Continued

She waited as I poured her a cup of coffee in to one of my four matching black mugs. I watched as she took the cup to add the sugar, not sure how much she wanted. I waited until she was done, and added two spoon fulls to mine as well. I turned around then, to head to the table, and she was right there behind me. I slightly bump into her, splashing some coffee onto the ground because of the sudden stop. Once our bodies touched, there wasn't any eagerness to move them apart from each other. Bethany held a sort of shocked and sorry look, while i look surprised. I had no idea what to do. I felt something like sparks where are our stomachs were touching, and the close contact was asking me to move in closer, so I did what my instincts told me to do.

"I'm sorry!" she exclaims when she figures out what is about to happen, "I'll clean that up."

"No that's okay," I say with a sigh of disappointment, "I'll get it."
I set my coffee down and grab a paper towel from the roll sitting next to the sink. She continues to stand there awkwardly holding her coffee, looking unsure of what to do. She watches as I wipe up the spilled coffee from the floor, until I'm finally done with my coffee back in my hand. I decide to give her a clue about what to do and head towards the table. I pull out a chair for her, motion for her to sit, and then take a seat in the chair next to hers.
I'm now confused where this is going. I continue to watch her as she takes her seat, puts the coffee mug down, picks it back up, takes a sip, set it back down, and bring her right leg up to sit on.
I decide to break the casual silence with some casual talk. I was so surprised how easy it was to talk to her, and how very little awkwardness there was. We discussed what we did for a living. Me still in school for my Masters in Psychology didn't get a lot of key points to talk about, but she seemed interested enough. I found her interesting though. She helped coach a few young girls' soccer teams, and played intramural herself, which explained the Sambas. She has been working as a secretary for a doctor's office for the past few months as well, which was mainly just to pay the bills. We then switched the cnversation to books, then movies, and what we liked to do in our freetime. Then came the awkward silence that I was so good at fueling. I struggled for a good minute or two of what to say, but there was nothing. Just whatever was left in my coffee cup for me to sip down to prohibit me from starting a stupid conversation.

"I'm sorry," she says, breaking the silence with a sigh.

"For what?" I ask truly confused as to what she is talking about.
"For everything," she replied look down at the mug she was now holding in her hands again. "I'm sorry for last night, and intruding into your life. I should not have done that, and I should have known better. I normally don't do things like this," she gestured with her free hand at me and around the room.
"It's okay," I said feeling awkward about where this conversation had led," I'll figure something out."
"What do you want?"
"Uhh, what do you mean?" I cant ever remember someone asking me this after they spent the night with me. Of course, this is the first time I have ever cheated on a girl.
"What are you going to do with the girl your dating?"
I took some time before I answered this. I truly didn't know. Was I seriously attracted to Bethany? I couldn't deny one bit that she was just the type of girl for me, but I barely knew her. What would happen to Lauren? I love Lauren, or at least I thought I did. Was I just too drunk last night to not notice who I was bringing home? That answer would never go over well with Lauren.

The Morning After

I never sat down and considered what I would do if I was caught in the situation of waking up to someone else, other than the person that I would be dating. I guess I have some time before she wakes up next to me, and realizes I brought her home from the party last night. I took a quick minute to look around my room. The shady green walls were receiving some kindness from the sun shining into my room from the east window, just to the right of the bed; a perfect view for a little extra cash a month. I found that it was totally worth it. I saw the sunlight shine down on her clothes taken of in a frenzy from last night. I'm sure she wasn't planning on having such an intense night, but I found it somehow heart-warming to look down at a pair of green and blue striped panties laying on top of her twisted skinny jeans. I found that it meant more than the stringy thong that my girlfriend always seemed to present to me. Don't get me wrong, I am attracted to that, but I don't want her to think that is the only thing that gets me going; that cute gentle side of her does too. Maybe that's why I brought Bethany home. Bethany represents everything that is not Lauren. Lauren is sexy, glamorous, and dark. Bethany just reeks free spirit. Normally I wouldn't be attracted to her, but the cute button nose, and the comfy style she portrays allows me to see how she really is. I could see her shoes peaking out from the hallway where she threw them off and jumped into my arms. I realized I had the same pair of Adidas Sambas, and I chuckled to myself. Her orange fitted shirt and lace tank top sat on the floor beside a bra that matched her underwear. I chuckled again and looked down at her. Her hair reflected what happened last night; a mess with a hair tie holding not even half of the hair back. She grunted a little in her sleep and turned more onto her stomach, hugging the pillow closer. I noticed that the covers only covered her mid back and down, revealing curves. She wasn't incredibly skinny, but she had a graceful look about her. Her curves portrayed a certain athletic look, as her sides stretched this way and that, and her arms revealed muscles as they clung the pillow. I put two and two together, that with the athletic body and the Sambas sitting on my floor, that she played soccer.
At this time, my body informed me that a bathroom was necessary at this moment. I carefully got up, trying to not to move the covers too much. I grabbed the nearest boxers, unsure if they were from last night or not; I hope not. I walked to the bathroom with barely a noise, and flicked on the light. I took a long look in the mirror, inspecting the dark circles and the little stubble growing across my jawline and chin. I decided I should make a better appearance, now that she and I were both much more conscious of how we look. I picked up the razor and let the water from the faucet wet it a little. I shaved here and there, making sure to make the lines clean, and not leaving anything too scratchy. Once I was done, I proceeded to do what I had primarily thought to do.
Once my business was finished, I heard Bethany start stirring from her sleep. I decided to quickly run and start some coffee. I figured we would both need it from such a long sleep. She didn't catch me take a glance as she sat up a bit in bed as i ran past my bedroom. Her dazed look as to where she was only exemplified her beauty. The sheet had manage to just not reach to her breasts, but her arms managed to cover her from the cold she felt without it. She quickly hopped out of bed, no humility in the effort, and slide on her panties and her lace camisole from the night before. It looked as if she thought about putting on my button-up as well, but thought better of it when she saw the pictures of Lauren sitting on my dresser. She sighed and began to walk towards the bathroom, signaling my leave from snooping spot.
I reached the kitchen and signed to myself. Why did I have to be so sloppy? I quickly stacked up my school books, and pushed all the chairs under the table. I made my way to the coffee pot, and started it up. I went to check the fridge for cream; none. Crap, I hope she isn't a coffee freak that has twenty special requests to her coffee. By the looks of it, she didn't seem to have any.
"Good morning."
I made a slight jump at my thoughts being disrupted, and quickly closed the fridge door. I turned and smiled. "Good morning to you as well," I replied, trying to not sound like a complete idiot. She chuckled at my reply, and took a good look at me. Immediately embarrassed by the clothes that I managed not to put on, she quickly looked down at the floor.
"Uhh, I just put on a pot of coffee. It should be done in about ten minutes. I hope you don't mind the absence of cream in your coffee, I'm all out."
"No that's okay," she looked up to answer, "I just need some sugar in mine. If there is an absence with that as well, then I will be just fine with black," she smiled with her smart remark. I smiled too, and then let the awkward silence sink in. She didn't seem to mind, which was good. I think I tend to be an awkward person by nature, not noticing when I seem to make someone uncomfortable. I let the silence stretch until she seemed to get restless and tried to think of something quick to say.
"You-"
"Ab-"
We laughed at the simultaneous reactions to clear the silence.
"You go first," she quickly replied, blushing at the thing she was about to say, or the fact that she was just about to let her eyes drop lower than my belly button.
"Well, I was going to say if you want to clean up or take a shower, you are welcome to do that. Sorry my house is sort of a pig-sty. It's just me you see. My parents told me it would have been better for me to have a roommate to help me stay clean. Now I'm blabbing..." I internally slap myself for my lack of ability to hold my tongue.
"Uhh yeah thanks, I'll do that after I have some coffee."
In the next second, the coffee pot alerts the freshness of the coffee to the room. Relieved to have something to do besides stand there in my boxers, I turn and grab two cups from the cabinet.

My Day Off

It seems quite often that trains take an unexpected long stop at the station. This time it was caused by a headlight being out, causing "danger" to other trains on the underground. Not that it makes any sense, because other trains head in opposite direction anyways. No one could argue, so they all just sat fuming in their chairs while they were late for their big break in a business meeting, or on their way to meet a special someone for a cup of coffee to reminisce on the past. In my case, I sat and pondered what was at the end of the train ride for me. I was never really good at determining what to do on my days off; who I would run into, what stores I should visit, or anything for that matter. I did know that there was no way that I would be disturbed on my day off. People always made plans with others to enjoy the nice weather or just to have company. I see a day off as an escape from society, a way to release some steam from the normal drawl of the daily life.
I did manage to pick just two books off of my shelf this morning, just in case my feet wanted me to head towards the nearest park before the rain came through. I figured that would be a good idea, because I was sick at staring at the fading bookmarks sticking out of the tops of my books that I seem to neglect whenever I do get a day off. I always tried to obtain a new hobby, but ever since the move, I have tried to finish the dusty books and give them away, allowing more space to crawl into my apartment.
Space. That's what I really lack. I tried for months to get a new apartment just for space, and then I go and use my moving gift of two hundred bucks from my parents to buy a new shelf and seventeen books. Two of those books currently lie in my lap, one with a bookmark about halfway through, the other dog-eared about twenty pages in.

Loss of Dignity

It's with a sigh and an internal punch that I give away the last of my dignity. I let out a final argument, and then leave in the deafening silence that brings about the end. The end of my naive way of life, the end of a perfect relationship. I'm left to ponder this as I turn towards the door, attempting a clumsly storm out. I look like an agravated thirteen year old as I make my exit. It's not until I reach my car that I realize what emptiness is about to overcome as a consequence for my ridiculous reaction. I dont know if that emptiness will be solved yet, but I hope that I can play off that matter like I have an anger problem, and maybe he will let me down easy. I learn weeks later that this isnt the case, as I chase the one I thought I loved through pointless phone calls, and chance to get back what I thought was my world.